The In-Between Stage

Feeling like I’m in-between has been a consistent feeling throughout my life. It always seems like there’s people who are ahead of me who have “made it.” There are others who seem a few steps behind me. There I am in the middle–the in-between stage.

I remember when I was in 9th grade and what seemed like out of the blue to me, my girlfriends had boyfriends. I was thinking “whoa so now we’re actually supposed to show that we like boys and hang out with them and stuff?” So I decided it was my time to start looking into boys and I’ll just say I wasn’t terribly successful at that in high school. Thus my feelings of being in-between began.

This past weekend I went home for one of the above mentioned high school girlfriend’s baby shower. She had her baby a few weeks ago. I also saw the other high school best friend mentioned prior who is expecting later this year. To realize that both of those girls had/were producing human babies threw my mind for quite a loop. Before my eyes I saw the physical realities of their lives and how mine contrasted from theirs.

We’re the same age, 22 (actually they already turned 23) but they’re at a completely different stage than me. To me it feels like they’re ahead. They’re both married. Both having/had their first baby. While I just barely graduated college and started my first real adult job. They’re lives are concerned with a husband and child, while mine is still pretty focused on myself.

Now let me say before you freak out. No I’m not going to get married soon. I sure as heck am not going to be having a human child anytime in the near future. 

But it’s just weird. I can’t really comprehend having a husband and being “wifed up” just yet. And I don’t even like to hold babies so I don’t have fond thoughts when I think of having one of those.

On the contrary, I step back and think of my sorority best friends. None of them are married. They have no babies (Praise the Lord). They’re applying to grad-schools and are finding their place in post-college life.

And here is where I feel in-between. Anytime I go home and see my friends, I feel a little more of a pull towards being more ready for that stage–marriage and so forth. Then I come to my reality here of getting through my first half year as a teacher. I feel more of a pull towards grad school and focusing on furthering my career.

Even in blogging I’m feel like I’m in the in-between stage. I’m definitely not a “newbie” inexperienced blogger. I’ve been doing this for a few years. But I stil don’t feel even close like I’ve made it as a blogger. And that’s okay because I’m constantly striving to be a better blogger and learning from bloggers who have “made-it.”

The question is: So how do I get to where I feel like I’m caught up instead of feeling in-between?

My answer is: I don’t ever think I’ll get to a place where I feel like I’m caught up in life. Say I was married, I would probably looking ahead to what other married couples are doing and feel like I have to get to where they are. In my job maybe I will go to graduate school someday. Then I’ll be feeling like I’m behind in the career field. I’ll probably be feeling like I’m at in-between stage through a lot of my life and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. That just means I’ll always be striving towards whatever is next.

What stage do you feel like you’re in? 

Are you caught up? In-between? Lagging behind?